This isn't for me(rant/vent)

I seriously have been trying my best for scholarships and I feel like I'm scamming my energy trying to get one single scholarship. I don't know how anybody even manages to be able to apply all the time. It sucks even when there's supposed to be hundreds I can't find any for me. And when I do manage to find one the deadline has already passed or it's reward announcements are past the date I start in fall. It's just one blockage after the another. And everybody in my life is saying don't do loans do scholarships! They've never done scholarships so they don't understand that struggle. I rather be humiliated owing money than the failure of these scholarships with how much time I spend. At least for loans when I put my energy into paying them off it's getting actually paid. I remember seeing a video how even if you don't get the scholarship these essays would help a lot with "finding out who you are." Like that's not the point for me doing the damn essay! It's for education! I have to somehow pay for this and you're sitting on your ass getting paid for this dumb sentence? It's all kinds of smart people trying to fight other smart people for money. And you just have to hope you're smart enough for the damn money. And if not smart than damn pure dumb luck. Or have the money to buy the resources to help you get these scholarships! It's one thing after the other. God no one can warn you how hard it is to get scholarships. And I can't warn any of my friends that are only going to community college because they strongly believe they'll be fine. And I don't want to tell them yeah you still have to pay for university for two years which is still a lot. A lot less than 4 years but 2 years is still two individual years. A nightmare. I swear all of this.