Does my personal statement have potential?
Hi! I am an incoming senior and I was wondering if the community could give me constructive feedback on my essay idea. My grandma got diagnosed with cancer this year and it's devastating because she basically raised me. I want to juxtapose our roles (ex. my grandma was taking care of me and would repeat these proverbs for me to hear and because of those proverbs, I am who I am today. Now that my grandma is sick, I now take care of her by making meals, etc to show that I apply what I learn from her to everyday life). I am thinking of including an example of how her proverbs guided me through my struggles of having a chronic illness, which helped me learned to be resilient. Then, I want to discuss how the proverbs that she taught me (that guided me through my journey of overcoming the illness) helped me to teach her to be strong and show how I am a caring person etc. Sorry if this isn't clear, if there is more clarification needed, let me know! This is new so I haven't been able to really sort everything out yet. Thanks!
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1 answer
This sounds like it'd be a really emotional essay! This can be a great idea if you convey your genuine feelings and experience and show how the experience has made you resilient and caring rather than telling. You can do this by describing specific actions and moments that highlight these characteristics. Just remember to balance the focus between your grandmother's influence and your personal growth. The essay's purpose is to highlight your strengths, values, and readiness for college.
Side note: Having a chronic illness can be risky to write about. It's one of those topics that can make AOs wonder if they should be worried about you (why, for example, traumadumping in essays doesn't work). If you can make it clear that you've overcome the barriers tied to that illness and you're currently thriving, do that. If you don't think you can, then leave it out.
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